End of Hunting Season

Another time of religious ritual has passed for the men of rural southwest Alabama. There are a lot more of them than show up on the census. Our population ranks swell in the winter. It is because of hunting season. Men come from as far away as they can drive for a weekend. They do not stay in motels. They stay in the woods in shanties that they, and certainly not their wives, would not be caught dead in ordinarily.
I know one man who lives in a historic house locally who has his little trailer in the woods that he inhabits for much of hunting season. He calls it his castle. He says it tongue in cheek, but we think he secretly means it. Most of these guys think that way. Not only is hunting a religion, but their castles are generally the places where no woman can go. Women may not be able to go there for more than one reason. In addition to not being welcome, they may not can stand the smell. Men on hunting expeditions are not necessarily concerned with housekeeping or hygiene. Men who frequent hunting camps may have one near freak in the bunch who cleans up, but it is rare. Mostly the schedule is such that there is little time for it. The hunting experience requires getting up well before daybreak. It demands for the truly dedicated, a shower with dirt smelling soap so that the deer won’t be able to detect the hunter in the tree. It requires sitting in a tree stand in a tree for as long as the hunter can tolerate the position, then climbing down, going somewhere to eat and recoup, a brief nap, then returning to the stand until dark. Should one be lucky enough to shoot a deer, there may be a period of time roaming the woods at night following a trail of blood to find the animal.
By this time, the most dedicated of hunters is exhausted. He can only crawl back to his castle. He will eat a huge meal that takes time to prepare, drink alcoholic beverages if he is so inclined, tell tall tales of what he saw to his fellow hunters, then fall into bed, only to rise before daybreak to hunt again. With all this to do, who has time to wash dishes and do other mundane household chores. Besides, the smell doesn’t bother nature boys the way it does sissy women.
Why do hunters do this grueling ritual as often as they can? Why do they take vacation time from work to punish themselves like this? Somewhere in the depths of their psyche there still lurks, a vestige of the primitive urge of the hunter gatherer. It’s like chasing women, a lot of them just can’t help it. Safe to say, given a choice of hunting or chasing women, true hunters would choose chasing deer and turkey. Both are expensive hobbies, but hunting has the edge because it is perfectly acceptable to brag about your hunting conquests, even putting your picture in the paper with your conquests. In polite company, it would be bad form to brag this way about the women you’ve caught. Given a choice, bragging rights is worth a lot to a man. Besides, a hunter had something to show for his efforts. Right now, I know at least one man who after killing four deer and filling his freezer with venison, is sitting with 46 pounds of sausage wondering what he is going to do with it. It is a good problem for a hunter. As he gives the sausage to other people, when they thank him for his generosity, he can mention the four deer he killed. He can “I’m glad you can use it. After the four deer I killed this season, I just don’t have room in the freezer for any more”. For the next few weeks, he and his fellow hunters can relax. After that turkey season starts and a whole new set of rituals begin.